How to Make Butter at Home

Sorry for the delay since my last post! I've been pretty busy living a double life. Yeah. As an international spy/butter smuggler. Ok, I'm kidding. I quit my butter smuggling job months ago. Now I make my own! And, if you haven't guessed, that's what this post is all about. (As for the spying, I'm not at liberty to disclose more.)

I discovered that it's really easy to make butter at home because I was incredibly bored one day and was curious as to how butter is made. Yes, this is what my brain does when left unattended. At risk of seeming like a simpleton, I'll disclose that I was surprised to learn that you don't need a churn (or any other equipment used by the Amish) to make butter. You don't even need the pistachio green Kitchenaid mixer with optional ice cream maker attachment that I want for Christmas in case my mom is reading.

All you need is heavy cream and the ubiquitous hipster all-in-one tool: the mason jar. And about 10 minutes of vigorous shaking. That's the hardest part.

I've made butter a few times and every time, fresh butter trumps store-bought. You won't regret it. You might regret not wearing a bonnet while you make it - I make no guarantees there.

Here we go in five easy steps!

1. Procure some heavy cream and make sure it's well chilled. I like to chill my mason jar, too, by sticking it in the freezer for 5 minutes before the butter bonanza begins.
2. Fill the jar with about a cup of heavy cream, or a little below the halfway mark. 

3. Tightly seal the lid of the jar and start shaking! Shake it for a long time. Put on some music that is conducive to shaking, like that Outkast song. You know the one I'm talking about.

Shake until it feels like the cream isn't liquid anymore. At this point, you've shaken enough air into the cream that you've made whipped cream (see photo). That would be awesome, if we were making whipped cream. BUT WE'RE NOT! We're making butter. So you have to keep shaking! Stop whining.
4. It will feel like you have been shaking for a long time and a whole lot of nothing is happening and you're mad about it. Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, you will feel the butter separate from the buttermilk. Now you'll have some liquid and some solid in the jar. Keep shaking for about 30 seconds to ensure that the butter and buttermilk fully separate.

5. Last step! Line a colander with cheesecloth or papertowel...probably paper towel because who has cheesecloth? Pour the contents of the jar into the colander and let the buttermilk drain out. Now for the weird part. You need to wash the butter. You're washing all the particles of buttermilk from the butter so that all you have is pure butter. Yes, this is a real thing. Just run the butter under the faucet for about three minutes. You might have to work through it with your hands to make sure it's clean - once the water runs through the butter clear, you're good to go!

And that's it! You can add salt at the end if you want - without, the butter will be a little bit sweet. It's delicious either way! Now go quit your butter-smuggling job.